Why ‘Tailored Love?’

For a while now, I’ve contemplated returning to blogging, desiring to write about polyamory. Many years ago, I had a personal blog, and it grew in popularity over time. However, my (ex)husband didn’t always like my posts. Sometimes he felt they were a bit too revealing. Sometimes he learned something new about me that made him uncomfortable. Blogging does that. It’s voyeuristic and exhibitionist at the same time. You reveal private things to a faceless audience, and the audience peeks in, titillated.

This morning, as I thought about where I am in my life, I spontaneously decided it was time to return to blogging. It seems to be the right time as I’m going through a change in a significant relationship this week. Without yet going into that story, the result is I’m pondering where the next leg of my journey in polyamory will take me.

In the last three months, I’ve become more active in the poly community locally. I’ve hosted meetings, hoping to create a safe place where people could ask questions, seek support, and sometimes just have a sounding board. One of the things that I’m becoming more acutely aware of is the language we use in the poly community. Much of our language is still very fluid in definition and usage, sometimes to our detriment as we gain more notice in the media.

To be honest, I don’t like the term “polyamory.” It’s not because the word mixes Latin and Greek root words. As much as we bastardize the English language, the last thing I’m worried about is mixing root words. My dislike for the word has to do more with that it incites debates about what it is, what it should be, what it isn’t.

The reality is human relationships are complicated. There are no golden rules, no perfect formulas for relationship success. The best we can do is design our relationships to fit our needs and within our boundaries. That’s why I prefer “designer relationships” as opposed to “polyamory.” To me, it’s a better description that allows for more inclusiveness when discussing relationships.

As I pondered what to call my blog site this morning, and thought about the phrase “designer relationships,” I realized what we are doing is tailoring love for ourselves.  There is no such thing as “one size fits all” in love. People bring out different things in you. Each person in your life fills a different need and teaches you something new.

So, here’s to a new blog, a new adventure, new ideas, old concepts, and the occasional awkwardness that comes from some brutal honesty. Most of all here’s to tailored love.  ღ

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